**Today is Cheryl’s birthday so I’m taking the day off to spend with my sweetie and theOtherGuy is in the driver’s seat. Take it away OG!
“No, thanks, nothing for me.”
How many times have you said that when being offered the double-chocolate-ice cream-sundae-float-combo dessert at your favorite restaurant? It’s almost a foregone conclusion, nearly as automatic as the “I’m just looking” comments we all say when shopping at the mall. But, how many times do we say that when we’re with our friends? It’s very easy to say “No, thanks” when we’re with strangers – but what about peer pressure?
In my practice, most of the money problems I help clients deal with stem from their inability to utter a simple two-letter word – “No.”. Some people have a hard time saying to their kids (“but I REALLY NEED that new video game…”) others have a hard time saying it to their friends. Still others simply just can’t say it to themselves. You want to excel at your financial life? Practice saying “No” as many times as you can each day.
I see so many missed opportunities in business that I also practice sales and marketing training for a well-known speaker and life coach’s firm. One of the primary ways we help people uncover more committed and focused time to growing their sales and their organizations is by saying “No” to as many non-critical things as possible. If you’re struggling or juggling with too many things – try saying “No.” there, too.
Financial success in the long-run is all about saying “No” to things today, in exchange for a greater future later. Here are a couple ideas to gain some “No” traction in your life:
1) Write out your financial plan of attack – and stick to it. The human mind can’t tell the difference between vivid imagination and reality, so writing out your financial life can physiologically help you succeed. Most important to our discussion today, if something isn’t part of your plan, it provides a written backbone from which you can just say “No.”
2) Have a casual money conversation before it’s awkward. Clue your friends and family into the fact that you’re serious about making changes with your money. You can say things like, “It’s sure going to be different this year at Christmas time. We’re finally focusing on getting our financial house in order and we’ve promised each other we’re not going to overspend like we usually do.” In all likelihood you’ll be your friend’s hero. They only wish they had your fortitude.
3) Lead by example in your household. When you’re struggling with a purchase that you really, really, want, speak your mind out loud. Your kids will hear, see, and hopefully emulate your behavior. You can flip through a Best Buy ad and say things like “Boy, I sure like that new TV. It sure is sharp! One day, I’ll save enough money and then we can get that TV for our house, wouldn’t that be great?” Kids need to hear how you handle the day-to-day issues that come up, not just see how you handle them. Think out loud.
4) Pick someone else to blame. Use us. Use Dave Ramsey. Use Suze Orman. We shift blame our whole lives (trust me, I just saw my 3-yr-old blame the cat for coloring on the wall…with a marker. Everyone knows cats can use markers!) so shift blame to our site. Say “Hey, I’d really like to join you guys for drinks and dinner tonight, but OG and Joe say that’s a bad use of my money. I’m dumping it like crazy into my Roth IRA. A tax-free steak and bottle of wine tastes a lot better than one at 19.99% interest amortized over 15 years.” OK, that last part was a little over-the-top, but you get the idea.
It’s OK to say “No.” Trust me and try it out. Where and how can you say “No” today? Let us “No” below in the comments…(get it? No = know! Ha! I’m hysterical! Gettin’ crazy with the homophones.)
Those two letters are extremely powerful! Too many people are convinced they’ll be socially or professionally ostracized if they say NO to spending.
I also agree they’re not used often enough in other parts of our lives either.
To me- saying NO to minutiae makes the few things to which I say YES special.
Nicely stated.. I find myself having to tell myself ~No~ on a regular basis, as we make the slow climb out of debt. Temptation is all around me. My co-workers go out to eat virtually every single day. My building has a delicious Kaldi coffee bar on the main level. There is a vending machine nearby with chocolate at the ready. But by keeping the focus on my end goals, I know that there is a point in the future where I will be able to say Yes, and not feel bad about it.
I find Home Depot the hardest to say no to, for some reason it’s not too difficult to say no to friends. You’re right on though, saying no is probably one of the biggest tools to building wealth and security.
I think that the problem happens when you’ve said no 39 times in a day, and the 40th time, you give in. Just like a diet. We only have so much will power in a day.
That’s the hardest part. Sticking to your guns on the 40th time. Yup…I’m a softy when it comes to ice cream runs with the kids – it usually only takes them 2 or 3 times.
Well said. I think a lot of it comes down to discipline and sticking to it. Having a long term view of things helps with this and knowing that if something tempts you, then stay away from it.
I’m pretty awesome at telling myself no, but you’re right that it is a lot tougher when friends are involved. That extra pressure makes you want to enjoy that temptation with them and not hurt your pride. Talking to them about your financial goals does really change the game though. When some of my friends found out about my finance blog and how I was trying to be responsible with my spending, they were a lot more understanding when I declined anything.
Talking about money with or in front of friends is awkward, but I’d much rather say no than say yes and spend money I didn’t want to because I was afraid of what others thought about me.
I half expected the two letters to be something like F U but no is much more appropriate and less hostile! I have no down very well and actually need to learn to say yes a bit more!
“A tax-free steak and bottle of wine tastes a lot better than one at 19.99% interest amortized over 15 years.” That made me giggle out loud at my desk! Thank you for that!
Saying the word “no” may be the most important thing you can do for your finances. It takes some time and conscious effort to get used to it, but it can be done. I think saying no is a great sign of financial maturity.
I never had a problem saying “no”! I probably hae a problem saying yes, but I am changing and spending some of my hard earned money.
At the end of a full day of constantly saying NO!, willpower is sorely depleted, yes?
A better strategy as you say is changing the environment and people.