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Networking 101: Meeting Basketball Industry Insiders (a How Not To Manual)

January 11, 2012 by Average Joe 15 Comments

Let’s take a break from serious planning for a moment and give you some insight into my daily life. Here’s another glimpse into the stumbling life of a guy just trying to fit in. or not.

If you’ve ever wondered how to hob-knob with influential and important people in the basketball world, I’m the most perfect guy to know. Like a battle-scarred veteran, I’ve been there. Not only do I have a long, impressive history of meeting important people, but I must note that I’ve often preferred non-conventional methods to befriend insiders.

This is my story. Feel free to use this method:

As an up-and-coming and remarkably handsome young financial advisor, I recommended my clients complete their estate plan. My highest net worth clients all were entrusted to the work of one attorney. He called one day to ask if I’d like to be his guest with a friend at a Pistons game.

Me: “Sure, dude.”

Always keep the lingo real.

That’s Step One: To fully integrate with the top echelons of society, all you have to do is recommend lots of your friends complete their estate plans. Then, coerce the attorney into inviting you to a sporting event as a thank you. Simple.

We met at the Palace of Auburn Hills entrance. It’s a beautiful venue to watch any event, even from my favorite seats. To disguise myself as not yet wealthy, I generally try to sit three rows or closer to the roof.

John, the attorney, flashed tickets at me and my friend Paul.

John: “You’re going to love these.”

Me (thinking): “that’s cool. Maybe we’ll be sitting a few rows closer.

Okay, the strangeness began when we entered the area itself not at the upper level, but the lower deck. This was already new territory for me. I wasn’t sure if I spoke the language or knew the customs down here. Is my foam We’re Number One finger considered classless? Is it okay to yell at the refs from here? What are the traditions in this foreign land? I was a terrified stranger.

Step Two: Breathe. Realize, it’ll be okay.

A Piston’s person: “Tickets?”

Luckily, John took care of the whole thing. He had this practiced “I’ve been here before hand flip.” John really has skillz.

When we arrived at the next rep, about halfway down the lower bowl, she glanced at our tickets and pointed us further down.

If it was a trip to hell I would have been frightened; we were headed to the inner circle.

…we made it to the bottom of the arena, and still another Pistons rep.

He looked our tickets over carefully,then:

“Follow me.”

Ready? Our seats were folding chairs along the edge of the court.

Holy $%#!

Now you know Step Three: make sure your lawyer friend has awesome seats to the game.

Preferably know this information ahead of time, but my method seemed to work just fine. Maybe I’m just lucky.

Then, utter disappointment: we weren’t in the front-front row of chairs. No….my loser attorney friend was only able to score second row tickets to the game. You must realize how disappointing this was. Somehow I recovered. At this point, you’re with the who’s who of basketball. Which brings up the next key:

Step Four: bring on the alcohol.

Now, I used beer. You could choose something different, but you have to have enough grease on your vocal wheels to ease into conversations with the who’s who. Alcohol gets a bad rap for “causing health problems,” but I must recommend it to really spice up your trip to the ball game. (Okay, I have to pause for a second. If your sarcasm-meter isn’t working properly, that last paragraph you shouldn’t take literally. Alcohol created the $%#! mess that I’m about to describe, so use your good judgment and drink responsibly – Joe).

During the team warm ups, then-Piston superstar Grant Hill walked onto the court with a new pair of shoes. Instead of a swoosh or stripes down the side, these were white with two blue lines running straight up the spine. They looked like slippers with a racing stripe.

Me: “Check out those shoes. Wow. Is he playing basketball or at home cooking pancakes?”

John: “Oh yeah! Those are the new Fila Hill Ninety6, also called Fila Hill 2. They’re the hot new shoe.”

Paul: “They’re pretty strange looking.”

Me: “Beep, beep. Excuse me. My understatement meter is going off. I’m not sure I like ‘em.”

Then I continued to drink beer. I wasn’t driving, and hey, we were sitting courtside.

Here’s another cool perk I never realized. A server comes to your chair and takes your order when you’re sitting courtside. I wasn’t going to have to mix with those foul smelling little people clogging the concourse dippin’ dots stands and popcorn vendors.

This was the life. I’ve never been happier in a folding chair.

At this point, an apology: I find basketball kind of boring. Hopefully the truth is that I don’t understand the intricacies of the sport. I prefer to think that’s the case. It’s better than thinking that my basketball-loving friends are a bunch of morons with nothing better to do.

I wasn’t bored here, though. Between the beer, those cheerleaders, and being able to hear the players talking, I was having a blast. Our seats were about at the free throw line.

Near halftime, Grant Hill even walked over and inbounded the ball right in front of us.

Don’t underestimate the thrill it is to have a real, live NBA player’s butt in your face until you’ve been there. Maybe not a bucket-list moment, but I still get emotional talking about it. I could have pinched Grant Hill’s ass and he would have jumped sky high on television. Hilarity.

Truth be told, I didn’t even consider pinching Grant Hill’s butt. I was too busy looking at his shoes.

Me: “I really don’t know if I like those. Who do you think makes the design decisions at Fila?”

John: “I don’t know, but I think they’re drinking something stronger than beer.”

Step Five – Take the Card When It’s Handed to You

During intermission I was on a role. Shawn Bradley, playing his last year of basketball for the ‘76ers, towered over us.

John: “I never realized how incredibly thin that guy is,”

Me: “He needs to eat the whole box of Wheaties.”

Paul: “My mom’s roast beef would fatten him up. Did wonders for me.”

Me: “I’d love to keep talking about Bradley’s anorexia, but those shoes of Grant Hill are just plain weird. I’m not sure if I like them or not.”

Paul: “Quit worrying about the damned shoes. Eat some of this popcorn. Have you seen the server? We need another beer.”

Paul…always focused. That’s the sign of a true friend.

So, another beer came, and so did the third quarter. The ball rolled out of bounds right next to us. Grant Hill walked over to inbound the ball. It’s amazing how a guy walks right in front of you and never once looks anyone in the face. At the same time, he’s looking like he isn’t really trying to avoid looking you in the face. It’s an art, I’m sure.

But, this time, I wasn’t at all focused on on his facial avoidance ability.

Me: “Okay, I’ve made a decision. I really don’t like the shoes.”

John: “Really? Wow, it only took you three quarters?”

Me: “Yup. Hatin’ the shoes. Just wondering, though. Do you think he gets paid to wear them?”

And that’s when the guy in front of me turned around in his chair, face red with anger. He had a card in his hand and shoved it in my face.

Angry guy: “In fact, he does get paid. Call me some time and I’ll tell you how much.”

I looked at the card. It was the Fila rep in charge of the Fila Hill line of shoes.

You meet all kinds of amazing people at the basketball game.

Step Six – Realize You’re Wrong

Me: “Well, when I said I hated them, I meant…”

Fila Dude: “You know what? I don’t care what you think.”

John: (no words–just a shot to my ribs)

Fila Dude: “I’m not trying to be mean.” (Editor’s note: yes he was) “We just don’t really care what middle class white guys in suits think. You aren’t our target market.”

Me: “Good point.”

Note: I should have thought of something clever to reply at this point. Had I mentioned some awesome design tips, maybe I’d be working at Fila right now, focused on the task of bringing to market the Fila AverageJoe instead of writing this blog. Call it the fickle wind of fate that I couldn’t find any carefully crafted quip to retort. Or, call it too much beer.

Your choice.

Disability Insurance Optional? I Think Not. – Our Boner of the Week!

January 2, 2012 by Average Joe 6 Comments

Hey, it’s always fun to say stuff off the cuff with friends, but when you have readers who take your words seriously and act on them….it’s probably best to do some research first. Our Boner of the Week! Is the most outrageous thing I’ve read on the internet in the last seven days.

…and we’re back to personal finance blogs!

A well-known blogger this week described disability insurance as “optional” in an article about types of insurance you should pursue. Really? Maybe it’s “optional” in the same way other insurances may be bypassed if you have other forms of coverage, but I don’t think it’s “optional” like the guacamole on my nachos at Buffalo Wild Wings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really a guacamole or disability insurance lover, but I can safely pass on the former. The latter….well, let us see for ourselves…..

When you’re deciding which insurances you need, disability coverage should be at the top of your list.

Here are the reasons why:

– If you can’t work, you can’t feed yourself without income. Unless you’re hoping for that awesome government check every month, disability insurance will protect your family and your things. Know why? You’ll still have income.

– Don’t think it’s going to happen to you? Think again. There’s some great news when it comes to auto accidents. Roads are becoming safer. There were just over 33,000 highway accident fatalities in 2009, as compared to over 43,000 in 2005. Instead of dying, people are just maimed.

Gratuitous Kind-of-Funny Picture to Break Up the Post!

Need Statistics? How about these eye-popping numbers on disability:

o As of 2009, persons in the U.S. have a 12 percent chance of suffering a disability. (Cornell University)

o Just over 1 in 4 persons who are 20 years old today will suffer a disability. (Council for Disability Awareness)

o Over 12 percent of the population is currently disabled. (CDA)

o 61 percent of wage earners personally know someone who has been disabled for three months or longer during their working career. (CDA)

Insurance is about odds. I dislike insurance policies as much as the next guy. That’s why my goal is to only buy insurances that I’ll probably need and avoid those that I won’t. Because I’m determining the chance of risk, it makes sense for me to check the probability of the occurance of need.

So, let’s examine the chances of a disability vs. other types of insurance listed in the piece:

Disability: 1:12 (Cornell University, listed above)

Auto: 5.67:100 (collision claims, according to Insurance Information Institute)

Home: 6:100 (Insurance Information Institute)

In fact, the author of the piece acknowledges the high rate of disability but still lists it as optional insurance. I can’t understand this logic.

Life insurance isn’t considered optional in her piece…in fact it’s listed as the third most important type of coverage (behind auto and health). But to express it in the most crude terms possible….isn’t your family better off if you’re dead than if you’re sucking down food and taking up space? They’ll have to cart you to the doctor and help you with basic activities. You’ll use electricity as you watch television or listen to the radio instead of work. It’s not fun for you and expensive for your family.

Not working? Long Term Care coverage isn’t even mentioned in the blogger’s piece and represents a huge hole in the financial plans of retirees who have enough money to protect but not enough to withstand the huge costs associated with custodial care on a daily basis. I won’t go into these facts here, because it’s slightly off-topic.

I’m tired of:

– “financial professionals” describing insurances and listing disability policies as the stepchild of the industry.

– consumers saying “I have disability through work, so I’m all set.” Workplace disability coverage often is capped at a staggeringly low amount of coverage. Why? Because a disability is expensive and insurance to cover a disability is expensive. Do your homework before flippantly deciding that “my insurance through work is enough.”

Still, maybe the blogger is off the hook. Here’s when you don’t need disability coverage:

1) if you have enough money to cover a disability, you can self-insure.

2) if your income stream comes from places that would be unaffected by your disability, and your health care coverage will tackle additional costs.

I’d like to believe that when she wrote “optional” next to disability insurance she meant to write “optional” next to every insurance coverage. Otherwise, I’m sure she meant that you should explore disability insurance as thoroughly as you would health, auto, home and life insurance.

Dearest minions,

When some professional writer, television talking head, or paid advisor tells you to look past an insurance type, always reach for statistics. Although I’m as bad at math as the next personal financial blogger, the numbers will usually find a way to lead me to the truth. The truth in this case: find adequate disability coverage.

Now it’s your turn. What insurances aren’t “optional” in your life? Which do you skip and take the risk?

Tennessee Family Expected Insurance For Nothing – Boner of the Week!

December 12, 2011 by Average Joe 8 Comments

The Boner of the Week! is awarded every Monday to the most outrageous event, quote or story I read about this week.

Usually I discuss outlandish or erroneous quotes in the Boner of the Week! segment. This time, let’s tackle an event.

According to this story, a Tennessee family living in a rural area without fire protection didn’t pay a $75 annual fee to a nearby city to receive services. When their home went up in flames, firefighters stood by and watched the couple’s home burn to the ground.

At first glance, this appears to be a fire department and government politics problem. “On further review,” to quote the highbrow program Monday Night Football, I believe the Boner of Week! occurred when the family opted not to pay–what now appears to have been—a pretty important ‘insurance” bill before their house fire occurred.

Here’s my rationale:

1) They don’t live inside the city in question and.

2) Homeowners inside the city boundaries pay taxes for fire protection. Those outside are asked to pay a small fee to receive house fire support.

3) The family opted not to pay the fee, in essence declining the city’s coverage plan.

Don’t think I’m heartless. We’re experiencing a similar situation personally. Nearly ten years ago my in-laws met with me to discuss long term care insurance. My father in law, a smart man who’s always been a good friend, was vehemently opposed to it.

He said, “I’m not paying for that overpriced insurance. It’s a rip-off.”

Yesterday wife returned from Detroit, where she was helping my mother in law decide on options for home health care, because he’s suffered a major stroke. My mother in law is meeting with elder law attorneys, looking for ways to cut down on costs while keeping his quality of life high.

There aren’t many options now, because they made a critical decision back then to decline coverage.

It’s fair to assume that my in-laws will now spend about $70,000 per year (or more) of their own money on his care. Just like this family declined fire protection, had they purchased a long term care policy ten years ago, the break-even point on buying “that overpriced insurance” would have been only several months into the nursing home stay.

They chose to self insure. Now they’re faced with the consequences.

So is the Tennessee family that decided to opt out of fire “insurance.” They had a house fire and no fire protection coverage.

Maybe there are larger societal implications here. Maybe not. Maybe it’s that we live in a time when everyone seems to want someone else to take care of us. I believe this event is simply another wake up call: nobody cares about your situation more than YOU. Take care of yourself. Make your choice and live with the consequences.

What steps should you take to prevent making poor insurance coverage decisions?

1) Examine the probability of an event, such as a long term care situation or house fire.

2) Evaluate the cost to cover the probability

3) Decide whether it should be insured, or if you can handle it yourself.

In this case, seventy-five bucks might have saved a ton of personal property from this house fire. Often people will forego insurance because they don’t have the funds to pay the premium. Insurance is created specifically for times when funds are short. If there’s enough money to cover the unlikely need for fire protection and you follow some fire prevention safety tips, maybe it makes sense to avoid the fee.

Boner of the Week! – Can Money Buy Happiness?

December 5, 2011 by Average Joe 5 Comments

I like good, solid financial advice as much as the next guy, but when it goes over-the-top, well….we award the Boner of the Week! to the most outrageous item I found in the media during the last seven days.

…and we’re back to financial bloggers.

Don’t get me wrong: I love reading money-oriented blogs. Sometimes I love them because their advice for financial success is spot-on. Other times it’s because the blogger’s sharing juicy personal stories. It’s like reading their diary—you feel a little dirty but also thrilled that you know some secrets about their life and what gives them inner happiness.

I love some others because I get to wonder how come the blogger didn’t invest in a spell-check button. Maybe saving money includes backing down on English lessons or spell-check tools.

Last week, one of the top financial bloggers on the “internets” shared a nice diary-type tale of a trip abroad. He allowed us to follow the travelogue with some crisp photos and helpful insights into the financial aspects of the trip. Trying to tie in some meaning, he discussed ways financial success can help your life.

Kind of.

Specifically, he wrote this: “Having money buys you freedom and happiness.”

Oops.

How many things are wrong with this statement? Let me count the ways….one, two….three.

1) First, can money buy happiness? I hope you aren’t that gullible. While it can be proven that financial success buys freedom– and a ton of doughnuts–there’s no fact backing up that money can buy happiness. In fact, sadly, the opposite appears to be true. According to a story in Scientific American in August of 2010, money can impair the ability to enjoy purchased items. Researchers in Belgium have discovered that while wealth allows people to purchase more things, thoughts of how that lifestyle was acquired lowers the amount of happiness people experience. In this case, money detracts from inner happiness.

I will agree that I’d rather be rich and miserable than poor and miserable. After all, I think it was former editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, Helen Gurley Brown, who said, “Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.”

2) Experts insinuating that money buys happiness is a reason I feel many have a spending problem. When I was a financial advisor, I met tons of unhappy rich people. They’d head to a store or expensive restaurant to buy away their ennui. I think they were buying into a house of cards. Do you want that for yourself? I don’t think so. Make a list of goals…not just financial goals or things to buy. What do you want to do? Who do you want to be? Explore your world.

3) I think the goal of many bloggers is to help others. By presenting to a large audience that money = happiness, we propagate a stereotype that many are actively fighting to eliminate. I like a pocket full of cash as much as the next guy, but let’s focus on building inner happiness. While it’s true that having money—or rather a source of income—quells fears at the bottom of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it’s still only a fuel for life’s goals. Let’s not prey on consumer psychology by creating an illusion. Chasing the next buck is not going to increase the amount of happiness we feel.

It might give you a warm, fuzzy feeling to go back and watch A Christmas Carol if you’d like a quick holiday reminder about the meaning of happiness.

My point: I love the fact that you read this blog and others like it. It’s exciting for me, too, to share better methods to manage cash, increase savings and prepare for a rainy day. Following the advice in my blog won’t make you happy, although it is completely true that my incredible wit will charm you to tears. Will money buy happiness? Nope. But there is good news: financial blogs can help you achieve the flexibility to do what you wish, when you want, with whomever you choose. Sometimes those of us in the financial world get so enamored with financial success that we forget that money can’t buy inner happiness. ….or maybe he just wanted to be the boner of the week.

Disclosure: Purchasing A Christmas Carol from Amazon.com through the above link pays us a commission. Although that money won’t make us happy, it will continue to allow the website to operate, which should totally fill you with joy.