…well, maybe it shops there (sometimes), but if it’s in love with me it brings a coupon.
Let’s talk about a certain Hallmark holiday coming up around the corner, shall we? The one with hearts and roses?
Before I was married, I had a girlfriend who ONLY shopped at name brand places. She was her mother’s daughter, completely. They’d fly to Chicago (nearby) or New York…even Paris once, just to shop. When she came home, she was always the best dressed person in our circle of friends, by a mile. We were in Levis and she was in Nicole Miller.
I’m not sure I was a fit for this woman (well, it appears I wasn’t now, doesn’t it?). I am comfortable feeling comfortable. I’m not ripped jeans and NASCAR tee-shirt comfortable, but I’m realistic. I have bigger goals for my money, and fashion wasn’t important enough to justify the cost….
I wasn’t worried about my wallet. I was worried about all the cool stuff I really wanted that I wouldn’t be able to have. I value a nice (but moderately priced) home, great vacations, and education (…and for me, it’s education for education’s sake. I dig learning new stuff.) While I certainly had to look the part as a financial advisor, there was no way I was buying a $2,000 suit. Now, I work from home. Does it matter which designer I wear? Hardly.
An important lesson my richest clients taught me (the ones who were completely in love with their spouse or significant other and who never appeared rich, but who went on the world’s COOLEST vacations), was that looking rich and being rich are two totally different things. Also, these people didn’t love their mates because of the amount of money they brought to the table, or if they were wearing THAT designer’s clothing. They were there for each other. Valentines Day around my richest clients? It was nearly always completely ignored.
I’m not a fan of Valentines Day in a bah, humbug, kind of way. I’m not a fan because love doesn’t shop at those high end stores. It doesn’t have a price tag. Yet, walk into any mall in the world and you’re likely to see a display with the line, “Show her how much you care.”
I care by:
– Spending time.
– Being thoughtful by getting my head out of my work and talking about her.
– Making dinner for us (not just that day, but ANY day).
– Handling her half of the daily chores.
– One of my special (and admittedly not very good) massages.
– Talking about the big goals we really want with our money.
Save your money for big experiences and goals. Don’t be distracted by a Hallmark holiday and baubles.
The right gift at the right price for Valentines Day? Don’t put a pricetag on it at all and I think you’ll both be happier.
Speaking of happier….I’m not sure $100 will make you happier, but it’s a ton more fun being sad with a fresh C-Note in your hand, isn’t it? Check out our new contest:
Very well said! I sometimes wonder if women like the actual gift, or that fact that they show off the gift to their co-workers/friends, etc. I’d much rather have a “good man,” than a guy who isn’t but showers me with lavish gifts.
My wife coming from a poorer family has recently taken the price tag off valentines day. Before I felt like I had to spend alot for it to mean something to her. But now that we have 2 children we just cherish time alone.. get your head outta the gutter..not that kinda alone time…just being able to go get coffee or sit and talk together.
Very well said Joe! Whatever I buy is not a whole lot as we like to focus on our anniversary instead. I show I care by spending time with her or doing things for her I know that she appreciates. In the end it means much more than something that I just went out and bought without thinking much about it.
“Looking rich and being rich are two different things.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Glad to be a co-host with you!
Very True. Looking rich and being rich are two very different things…. Few people can do both, but that is usually a rareity.
I like your ideas for showing someone you love them. If you married the right spouse, they truly believe it is the thought that counts. (Not the $$)
My husband and I aren’t that into Valentine’s Day either. I think it really has become a “Hallmark Holiday” like you said.
Excellent post. I really never liked paying Hallmark to say nice things to my lady; would much rather say it to her face. Means so much more.
I’m never a big fan of commercialized holidays but I must get her at least something small. We’ll see what I get her this year…
The comedian Emo Phillips tells a story where his girlfriend said, “Sign me up for something crazy and expensive that I just don’t need.” He signed her up for radiation treatments.
In the 10(?) Valentines Days that Mr. PoP and I are now up to together, I can count precisely one v-day gift between us. A single red rose purchased at a gas station when he came to visit with me and hang out while I worked until 2am on Valentines day. I think having someone to hang out with until 2am was more of a gift than the rose. =)
I still like $2,000 suits, but unwilling to pay full price. I bought a Hugo Boss suit about 5 years ago at Marshalls for $300. I think it retailed for $1,000.
My wife and I do a very simple Valentine’s Day. It is probably one of the reasons we are still married after 44 years. I bring in ($30-35) dinner and pick up inexpensive ($6-7)flowers. I fire up the fireplace (if cold enough in southern California) and light candles. We turn off the TV and have a very romantic dinner.
This is my kind of night, krantcents. While I agree with Joe, I don’t mind flowers 🙂
It’s nice to make it a date night, but the one thing I hate is the pressure to make that night happen ON Valentines Day. Sometimes, I have a busy week… it’s okay to push any Valentines Day plans back to the weekend.
Admittedly, most guys would probably be scared to suggest this, social pressures being what they are!
I should have been more clear. I had to look like a million bucks without spending a million bucks. If I could find a “buy one get one free sale” I’d cut the cost of my suits in half (generally that’s when I bought new suits).
Did your fancy girlfriend find someone to help her continue to live a fancy life? Valentine’s day is a crock.
It’s indeed true, looking rich and being rich are two different things.
And this one: “I was worried about all the cool stuff I really wanted that I wouldn’t be able to have.” We’re the same in this.
Those gifts are tons more special than a piece of jewelry, anyways. Seriously! If I came home to a house the boyfriend cleaned I’d be the friskiest Valentine’s day date ever.
Excellent post–I couldn’t agree more! I’m all about the vacations and experiences rather than the material gifts and shopping. Happy to be co-hosting with you!
For me, I need to know that my husband cares enough about me to be willing to do whatever it made me happy. Once I knew that no gifts are necessary.
We have been married since 2009 and have not exchanged gifts ever since then. There is no point really since we have a joint account and just buy what we need when we need it. We do discuss with each other when we make a big purchase.
I’ve never really been around designer people I guess. I though Hermes actually started with an h sound for years. If you feel the need to buy spendy items just to say you bought a spendy item, you’re missing the point for sure.
Thanks for filling me in on the Hermes thing…. 😉 I pay so little attention I didn’t know either….
Great advice. Valentine’s Day puts a lot of pressure on people to get the right gift and to have this romantic blowout. In reality most people probably don’t spend too much money and should really focus more on the time they spend with their significant other.
I can’t remember the time I had a really “best date” moment on Valentines Day. I can remember some good ones, but not “the date.”
Reading “Stop Acting Rich” was a big eye opener to many of the differences you bring up here. As you said, it’s very true – there is a big difference between acting rich and being rich.
Yeah, the Millionaire Next Door and ancillary books by Dr. Stanley for financial advisors hit home for me.
I would much rather have time and effort than a real gift. Although this year I did get all of the above, just early. It was the perfect surprise 🙂
You’ve got yourself a winner. Now that’s how you treat a lady! 🙂
We don’t spend very much on each other for Valentine’s Day at all. Usually, we like to go to one of our favourite restaurants and just enjoy some food and wine.
Wow. I can’t believe they would fly somewhere just to shop. But then again, people take road trips to shop. Which is fine and fun I’m sure, but not my cup of tea. I can’t tell the difference from a high end to a low end, unless it said in big letters on the front, but usually you have to check the tag in the back. Who does that?